My Divine Question

Growing is difficult. There is no more difficult time than the present. Where future and past collide in depression and anxiety, where the chance of love and fear find their way in a weird type of hate/love relationship that expands into night’s of troubled sleep.

Last night I could not sleep until half way through my appointed schedule. Before sleeping, I felt death approach me in my chest, almost smelling its breath.

I always found it odd that in the times when I know something good can happen, when growth is good, the same challenges arise in front of me with each obstacle.  The fear of loss, not being good enough, saying the wrong words, let alone showing any sign of hope, edges me into a state of nonexistence.  

What ups the anty is the intermingling of sexual innuendos and loss of touch, challenging me to judge myself as not good enough.  Yet somehow, in some strange way, I am learning to no longer judge these as good or bad, yet disclosed and hidden. What is hidden shall be revealed. The lack of judgment brings me into the understanding that I am capable of loving myself. Thus bringing me into that divine question, revealing itself Monday, “Can you let go of the control over your loneliness, sorrow, and pain?” 


The Mornin’

I’ll go to a place where no one knows me.
For here they don’t even see:
Recognition is key to existence.
Knowing you’re alive without anyone else seeing me is glorious.
But being acknowledge and wanted by another human is extraordinary. They have forgotten the essentialness to their existence, while overlooking the cutting. The painful reminder that continues on.
Knowing there’s the Divine is immortal and powerful,
But so far away and yet so near.
How can this one Being know one so close?
No one around, I continue to let go of my heart’s desires,
Everywhere I go I see and use it to remind myself that to be is Being.
Happy faces, sad faces, all around the whiskey masks the breaking heart.
Overlooked and not understood, forgotten by those who smiled, waved, called me friend, and said, “See you next week.”
So much do I know I may never awake the next Mornin’.
It is what it is.
Existence is bliss and yet creates memories so dear, so deep, so powerful reminder to reach out to the dying. Inside.
Rest assured, those who say they love, forgetting what/who/them/they is in front of them, and they say once again:
“There is love and now go on your way. Be blessed I’ll have my own to be.”

Forgiving Pain

Into the depths, I go once again.
Wondering if I’ll meet a different Presence.
Deeper back, into the pain and sorrow,
isolation, rejection, accepting what may.
Is there someone else?
Is there a mighty Presence awaiting
to help me through?
Although sins are forgiven,
the effects of the harm from others
and myself have altered perception
that should never have been.
Yet slowly, in an innocent consumption,
I feel love and acceptance,
but not from any human to who cares not,
sees not, feels not, hears not, touches not.
Someone deeper. Consuming.
Like a fire, burning up the pain which is a part of me.
Although I’m not seen or heard,
I’m learning to see beyond the self appointed grave.
Religion says, “I’ll help yet at a distance so I’m not tainted or by your pain.”
Yet they see not their own pain, the depths of their God’s forgiveness.
Society says, “I’ll help! Yet stay away, I’m happy as my own. I refuse to see what I need or confront my own.”
Blinded by their own self-righteousness like the religious they blame they judge not.
These voices, quieter they become.
Slowly drowned out by the depths of the pain,
where I meet the Presence who loves.

Lies for Me

I lied to Myself today.
The Me was caught up in the blissful truths I was taught: the bad, the ugly, and the worse.
I had to lie, as hard as it was for Me.
The lies slowly become the truth I truly need,
I must sincerely believe.
The way I was taught to survive,
is to panhandle my wrongs.
Yet as wild as it may be,
my blissful truths, my dramatic ignorance,
was anothers, their own perfect personal lie;
my my how the darkness of another imprints
upon the innocent.
I lied to Myself today.
It was something I had to do.
For soon my lovely lies become the truth,
My soul’s missing piece that was stolen,
“I’ve been looking for you.
Who stole you and why has no one helped?
Let’s us ask this of ourselves, Me, Myself and I.
So we can help another lied soul who lies
in the danger of being torn by the system of Man.”

Daniel Whittaker

Stumbling Blocks not Building Blocks

There’s about 41,000 denominations across the world today in Christianity; with the extremism separating family and friends, and yet somehow people find hope in Christ, it is not hard to see why people find this faith so troubling. But have we brought it on ourselves? Or have we allowed Satan to get the better of us? Should cast him out all the time? Or is it possibly that God has set something up that we are blind to in his Church that is separating and defining us by this stumbling block? After all, God sending someone to a person or upon a group of people to cause a transformation is not new.
So what is this stumbling block? It can be an object that becomes an object of worship or terror, a perception that can became a teaching that we do not question or maybe a way of life that we do not see we are living. Maybe quite frighteningly enough, a stumbling block that can be a test from God not just in personal life but in Christianity as a whole. This stumbling block can be a repercussion of the sins that we have done or unconfessed sins.
The stumbling block is an object that we see throughout the Bible. It is an aspect of the Bible we do not hear much about. It is placed by God, by others, and by ourselves from our own sins.
In the way it is placed by God: (Ezekiel 3:16-21; Romans 11:1-10)
Romans 11 is about the relationship between Israel and the Gentile nation and through Christ the Gentiles are grafted in with Israel through that same faith that Abraham had. “Israel has experienced a hardening in part until the full number of the Gentiles has come in. And so all Israel will be saved…” (Romans 11:25b-26a). This chapter not only reveals God’s plan and mercy upon the Israelites, but it also encompasses the mercy of God upon the human race who not only believe, but also chooses to abide in his grace. To stay we must abide, or live in that faith We see this reminder to believers not just in Ezekiel, but see it as a rebuke and reminder in other portions of Scripture (John 15:1-17; 1 Corinthians 3:1-23; 1 John 2:24-29).
A very important fact to remember is that the New Testament letters (Romans-Revelation) are not written for non-believers, but for believers. There is encouragement but also warnings that we have to abide and turn from our old ways to the new ways given to us by God to live through the power of the Holy Spirit. So when there are reminders, (such as Galatians 5:16-26, Ephesians 4:1-5:21) these are told to us as reminders that if we truly believe after hearing, we will follow his commands to do what Jesus has told us to do. It so happens that there were believers in the early church that still lived that sinful life style, and Paul, but more importantly Jesus in Revelation through John, told the churches to turn back, to make up their minds what they really wanted to do. We should not use our freedom as a license to sin.
Ezekiel 3:16-21 reveals more about how God holds not just the sinner, but also the person who is under God’s command to tell someone about their sin. Now I am not saying that we should protest or go around and point out “flaws” in others, this is jumping the gun, not to mention arrogant and forgetful of which Christ rescued the believer from. Just carefully read Romans 3. Fact is Christians have forgotten what Jesus has brought them out of. If we remember, not in the sense of remembering our past and living in it, but know what God has brought us from to keep ourselves humble. As Christians we are a part of the body of Christ, and we have a responsibility not just to the world, but more so to our fellow believers to guide and help each other in our walk with Christ.
So what is this stumbling block from God? It is interesting to find in Ezekiel 3 that the wicked man’s blood will be on the one who was told to warn but did not, and if you do warn, you saved yourself by telling him. But here we have the righteous man who turns away from his righteousness and does evil, the Lord places a stumbling block before him and he will die. If we do not warn him and he dies, we are held accountable for his blood. Either way we are accountable. Even looking at Ezekiel 18 we find that those who sin die for their own sin. No one else is held accountable for it.
Could this stumbling block in today’s Christian world be that we have not confessed our sins to God as a whole? Have we allowed certain teachings or doctrines from other religions to come into the faith and become a part of us? Have we allowed certain perspectives upon certain types of people to influence us more than God’s grace in our lives? What are your thoughts?

In the way it is placed by others: (Leviticus 19:14; Romans 14:1-23; 1 Corinthians 8:1-13)
In today’s American culture, there really is no issue with meat being sacrificed to idols or a huge debate about which, or even if there should be holy days that are to be celebrated. We all pretty much decide to respect others in this sense, although there are those out there who think Saturday is the day of worship, or that Christians should be celebrating Jewish festivals, or God’s festivals. But as the writer of Romans helps us to understand, “Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters… Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand… Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind… For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone… Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living… Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way… Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit… So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves…”
As believers we are to help those who are weak, we are to bear one another’s burdens. Why don’t we do this? “We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” What is happening more and more in the world are people who have difficulty in today’s society that have emotional problems, financial problems, etc. We see this everywhere and it affects everyone. Society is not a respecter of person. There are those who do get left behind, unfortunately we see this even in the Church.
In Leviticus 19:14, we see a law that is a warning and a rebuke: “ ‘Do not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block in front of the blind, but fear your God. I am the LORD.”
In Christianity we are taught that how we treat others, even in our speech, is how we act in our faith, our belief in how God loves us. I know I have said this before, but it is very powerful. So here’s a series of questions for us: How do we see others, even those who might be attention seeking, or always speaking negative? How do we see those who are homeless, or even a different skin color, or a different nationality? How do we treat them? Are we fault finders in others without realizing it? Do we believe we are speaking truth when we are finding faults and judging them? What if God is working in them, and all we’re doing is speaking the same lies others have spoken against them, which they battle not to say themselves? These can be some hard questions to ask ourselves because it means finding within our own hearts our secret sins.
In the way it is placed by our self by sinning: (Ezekiel 7:20, 14:1-11)
As too often spoken time and time again, sin, or offense to God, or even others, can harm our relationships; with Christ as Savior, if we really forgive others than we believe that God has truly forgiven us. It also creates within us, unknowingly at times, a narrowed path in our thinking about ourselves and others. This way of thinking can harm us and impair our relationships. Although not all negative thinking or personal problems come from this act against others and God; due to emotional trauma or some type of psychological disorder these issues come forth through that, yet it is a place to start. For example if there is unforgiveness in the heart of the person, this causes bitterness and resentment toward others. (Personally, it can cause distrust and some paranoia, yet to have a healthier mind, or to decrease this way of thought, it is not just enough to forgive the person or group of people and move on, this is too much of a blanketed statement, or “healing”. Forgiveness is only part of it, the rest is having to change one’s thinking, or changing the way the brain has become hardwired when encountering situations where our trust is challenged. From personal experience this takes time, but it is possible.)
Sin in the Torah is an offense (H2403) against another, either it be God or another human being. In the letters of the New Testament, it is an offence (G266) or missing the mark (G264). Offence against God or another person is essentially missing the mark on something. Instead of helping, we hurt, instead of loving, we maim. What is difficult is at times we can be blind to this. That’s why we must know we are not perfect, but growing children of God through Christ. Learning is a sign of growth, even when we stumble over our own, or another’s stumbling block.
Repentance is an essential element in the Christian walk, for when we not just believe, but choose to have Christ as Lord of our lives, we must do what he has commanded.
Repentance (G3340) is “to think differently or afterwards, that is, reconsider (morally to feel compunction.” (Strong’s). It is a changing of the heart and mind to a different way of thinking. When we commit and offence against someone, are we trying to justify ourselves in how we feel and think about the person or group of people, or do we just plain despise them? This is even a difficult question to ask myself, but as a Christian, it is essential to change. Do we dare ask these as the body of Christ?
Earlier today I was considering that pivotal sentence in 1 Corinthians 13: “And now these three remain: faith hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (NIV) Why is love the greatest? From beginning to end the writer expressed that without love, no matter the amount of faith or other gifts of the Spirit, love fulfills them. It slowly dawned on me that even though faith and hope are essential, love can restore hope in people, love can restore faith in God. 1 John 4:8 states that he that does not love does not know God, because God is love. If we take the word love in the small portion about love in 1 Corinthians, and replace it with God, it surprised me how different it sounded. God is patient, God is kind, God does not envy…
Love came to man in Christ Jesus, and through his blood “we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” (Romans 5: 9-11)
There is more to Christ than just believing, there is a purposeful living. Isn’t this what God has called us to? Isn’t this what the world wants to see? Isn’t this what those in need for love and truth desire? We should stop and ask ourselves, “why did we first believe?” Let’s not forget our first love. Through this the world can see the power of Christ and God reconciling the world to himself through Christ, for this is the power that God uses to call people to repentance.
There is a call to repentance today, for today is the day of salvation before it is gone and the night has come.

Mountain and Valley

We will have our mountains and valleys. At times we don’t know we’re on a mountain or in a valley. If we stay in a valley all we think is how badly life is. If we stay on the mountain, we deceive ourselves and think life is grand. Everyone likes the mountain tops. We can see for miles and the beauty.
But when walking the valleys of life, you will have people judge you: telling how you should be rather than walk with you. You will have people point the way or disagree with you, or whatever the case. The real issue is not that we have enemies, or people who don’t care it’s the fact that life is life and everyone is doing what they think they have to do. We choose, although at moments we do not realize, with our subconscious nature from a young age, we are being formed. This is to protect us and can form our personality. And in time, sometimes, we have to realize that we can change. But there will always be a part of us that will always be concrete. That shouldn’t deter or scare us, but encourage us to live life to the fullest. We have breath, so we have life. Not five years from now with all those special plans, nor five years ago with its woes, but in this very moment.

Random Thoughts

These are random thoughts that pour through my head every once in a while. At times I place them. So here they are:

Power: Real power does not show off, it guides and heals. Real power does not seek to justify and promote itself, it covers the matter to find out who will seek the truth and will let go of the shackles that bind them. The process of positive thinking and words are not to make something yours or to be all powerful and to cause miracles or signs and wonders. The real power is in the humility and willingness to change yourself. It is the ability to see a situation regardless of the negativity and not to be blind to it. It allows your soul to be open to the possibilities the situation carries, then take them and change what may be.
It is quick and easy thing to say God is all you need and God will supply a person who is hurting. Just as Christ represented God on Earth, we represent Christ on the Earth. Think about it. Who do we represent? If we believe in a higher being who actually surrounds us, who loves us like we say, why can’t we move into the truth of being hands just as much as being his voice? Being his feet and seeing through his eyes? Why is that difficult? Because it requires an upsetting of our lives and perfectly kept theology. We’ve become more obsessed with words now instead of the truth and ability of actions. How dare we. We display our faith and how we believe God treats us by how we treat others.


I shifted in my seat,
the stifling air,
throat closing.
I never expect,
yet some horrible
anticipation rose,
Always rose; not the sweet smelling,
mind altering taking away burdens rose.
But the rose of not wanting yet always coming.
I hate expectations. Deceitful expectations.
Clouded mind no more but problems always still there.
Closer to relief, still known:
Cloudy skies gone in my mind,
yet somehow the storm remains:
The remains of a life dying,
the remains do not smell,
but left that bitter aftertaste,
metal mouth, and papers of ode to madness still written
through my mind.
Bad Words

Never, can’t and won’t: replace with ‘will not’, ‘no’ or ‘unable’. These negative words are about not doing or do not. They are passive words, unwilling to do or thinking you’re not able, or that the speaker is unable to find purpose in their life for something to do and get out of the situation they’re in.

Try: replace with ‘yes’ or ‘no’. They is passive behavior. It means I’m not sure or I don’t want to but I guess I”ll try to do it, maybe to keep you happy. It is used an as excuse.

Fail: replace with ‘did not pass’. Nobody fails unless they’re unwilling. Those willing do not fail, but try again and find out how to change the situation or their self. When the participant find they are unable than they can recede. Which is okay. It either means they do not have the knowledge for the situation or something else holds them back. Failure means there’s a competition and living life is not a competition. Everyone has their own life and must find their way of living. Regardless of how the society believes. Society more often than not is wrong.

Quit: replace with ‘recede’. Quitting is a passive word. There’s always the change of doing it again. You either do it or you don’t do it.
Moving on is difficult. Moving on alone can be a tooth and nail climb. How do you know when you’re alone? How do you know when you’re not alone?
Finding yourself is the process of making yourself. What do you enjoy? Who do you respect? What do you choose to believe? It can be accepting what is and working with what you have using the inborn intelligence and grace within your mind. In today’s world we’re no long bound by culture, religion or values. When encountering new items in life, we realize we have the choice to change our beliefs, our way of life. We can no longer be held back by government ways or be told what is right and wrong. We choose to ignore a signal crossing or know to go against it will cost us something.
Within human nature we do our best to be self-preserved in protection, provision and procreation. It is innate to give and expect some contribution in return for your time and effort. As a matter of fact we are taught that in a relationship, it is a give and take. You give something, and than you take something. But love does not say this. It says we give, expecting nothing, and we receive. What is difficult in this aspect is that love says we give in humility, in ways we did not expect to be able to give. And we receive when we think or feel as if we did not deserve what we gained. I would have to say that this is the most amazing aspect of love. It can permeate lives. This is one reason why I do not believe tolerance is a way of living. Tolerance says I will stand you as long as I have to, or take some benefit I can from your existence if I’m able to. It does not actually better a society. It is only a stabilizer. Love tests us and encourages us to become better.
Here’s a small break down of 1 Corinthians 13.

“Love is patient.”
Am I patient with myself and others? Or am I
wanting what I think I need faster? Do I get impatient with others?
Why and how can I change this?

“Love is kind.”
Am I kind to myself and to others? Or do I get mad and frustrated over simple things?
Why and how can I change this?

“Love does not envy.”
Am I envious? If so, I need to learn to be content with godliness.

“Love does not boast.”
Am I more proud of myself and my accomplishments, or happy and content with what Christ has done
for me and working in me?

“Love is not proud.”
Have I been prideful in areas of my own heart? In areas I have worked hard in
or maybe I slack off in?
Do I act as if I know more than others and think I should teach them?

“Love is not rude.”
Do I push someone to do something for me when I could do it myself?

“Love is not self-seeking.”
Do I engage in activity that only gives me and satisfies me?
Do my actions glorify me or do they help others and glorify God?

Love is not easily angered.”
Do I easily get mad at myself or others?
Do I feel threatened by others and think they think less of me?
Do I feel or think I’m threatened in some way?

“Love keeps no record of wrongs.”
Am I hard on myself? Do I accept myself or do I
keep reminding myself of all the bad things and keep myself stuck?
Do I mention the bad things others have done to me, or mention it to them?
Do I always point out the faults in others all the time and say they should improve?

“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”
Do I revel in seeing someone else hurt?
Do I dwell on matters that hurt others and even hurting myself?

“Love always protects.”
Do I protect others or act like I do?
Do I defend others or use them and make jokes about any difficulties or problems
that I do not have hardship with?

Love always trusts.”
Do I trust others that they care about me?
Do I trust them with what is important to me?
Do I trust God?
Do I trust myself to walk and be confident even when facing fear and hardships?

“Love always hopes.”
Do I hope in what is true?
Is there hope in my faith?
Do I hope the best for another and encourage them and if so offer guidance
if asked? Or do I side step not wanting to be actually invovled?

“Love always perseveres.”
Do I persevere with someone in my life who is hurting?
Am I in life for the long run and be determined to find the strength there is?

“Love never fails.”
Do I choose to fail? To give up?